Earth's poles shifting, tsunami waves that are miles high,
your current elevation increasing or decreasing by hundreds of feet, the
atmosphere churning causing
400 mile
per hour winds...
Get ready because the
world as you know it will cease to exist when the Mayan calendar runs out of
numbers.
The earth will still be round but
the toilet water in China will be swirling the other way and Australia will
be enjoying winter-time in December.
Well, if this will end the stranglehold of central banking,
prevent the Federal Reserve Act from celebrating its 99th birthday, and finally
end this ridiculous debt-based monetary system, I guess it will be worth the
trouble
. Sure, maybe it's kind of
like throwing the baby out with the bath water but, let's face it, no one likes
change anyway. Sometimes you've got to hold your nose and jump into the deep
end.
(Hey bankers, politicians, rulers of
the human world, and monkey-hunters for that matter, dress in your best short
sleeves and Bermuda shorts. It gets
pretty warm in Hell!)
I know, I don't sound concerned.
That's because if you are reading this, I am
now traveling over your head at almost
17,500 miles per hour (7860
m/s).
More on that later.
Maybe you can find me
using this link.
Maybe not.
I think this little Q and A session will answer all of your
questions...
How will you survive the cataclysm?
My first idea was to dig a very deep hole just to a depth of
the upper mantle and wait it out.
I soon
realized with the upper crust shifting, I would probably be buried with no
escape like a kalua pig at a Hawaiian luau.
The second obvious choice was time travel. Unfortunately, my good friend Stevie Hawkins
informed me that going back in time is not really possible. On the flip side, he said that going forward in
time IS possible! Sadly this would
require very close orbiting around a giant planet with a spaceship capable of
handling considerable speed and turbulence.
A good option, but as time was running out, I had to abandon this idea.
So that lead me to the only sensible choice which was to
commandeer the next undisclosed space launch.
All that was required was
pulling a few noodles,
wink wink. Domo, Domo Arigato, Mr. R****o!
Will anyone or anything on earth survive?
Of course..
A few
plants, most monkeys, apes, cockroaches, Twinkies, and possibly the Dali Lama.
He's the real deal; worthy and welcome to live
amongst the monkeys in the New MonkeyWorld Order.
How will monkeys live
through the 'End of Days' storm?
A monkey has an incredibly strong grip, far superior to that
of a human.
So, no hope for human
survival?
Probably not. There is a simple test that I devised for
humans to determine if any of them could withstand this massive cataclysm. Simply hold one of those automobile tires,
preferably a steel-belted type, and attempt to tie it in a knot. If you succeed, there may be hope for
survival.
How will cockroaches survive?
Cockroaches can live on a crumb, reproduce fast and
efficiently, and eat radiation. Ridiculous to ask! Next question.
Twinkies, too, will
survive? Aren't Twinkies in short supply
already?
Nonsense.
Look at the
map.
The U.S. government keeps the
supply of Twinkies at Fort Knox, where the gold used to be.
Twinkie bars as far as the eye can see.
Glorious!
What will you do when
you return?
Obviously I will re-enter the earths atmosphere when it is
safe to do so. I'll use the old Apollo rescue
method of sling-shotting around the moon to generate enough speed for
re-entry. Then I will have to find a
soft place to land the craft, possibly Amsterdam. I'll have to hold the map upside down to
compensate for the pole shift.
Once safely on the ground, I will assume the role as Ruler
of the New MonkeyWorld Order and all will be well again. In fact, the very first day I take office I
will do the following:
1. Repeal Obama-Care (well...maybe, maybe not, still on the
fence regarding the healthcare issue).
2. Sign into law an order for all monkeys to eat corn-on-the-cob
while holding the cob vertically, rather than horizontally.
3. Issue a direct order to re-establish the drive-in theater
as the number one entertainment choice for all remaining countries.
_______________________________________________
That wraps up the Q and A.
Someone please feed the poison dart frogs.
I'm gonna miss those guys.
The MensaMonkey is on autopilot and "
has the deck and the conn" until my return to MonkeyThrowDart.
No telling what that Franken-trader will do
so keep an eye on the left sidebar.
It
will be active even in my absence.
Ciao!...for now.
Commander Sigmund B. Cheetum
Earth's poles shifting, tsunami waves that are miles high,
your current elevation increasing or decreasing by hundreds of feet, the
atmosphere churning causing 
